Seren Says

From : Seren Haven My Comments in Italics

notmyselfIf there’s one thing we can be sure of, people are very different from their real world selves when they are in sl. Many that i’ve spoken to will say that they are less reserved, more outgoing, and less inhibited in sl than in their real lives; for many, sl is an opportunity to explore ideas, pathways and leanings that are either impossible or untenable in rl. Indeed there are a large number of people who will say that the representation of the person you’ll meet in the virtual world is far more ‘themself’ than the person you will meet in the flesh – possibly the most absurd contradiction of all, but then again, perhaps also the most revealing of insights.

Co0mment: Why is there such a lack of inhibition?  This I find hard to understand. If I make a fool of myself in sl I blush in rl. When I make a joke I laugh in rl. From a study of Evolutionary Psychology “People are complex,” said Kruger. “Just because somebody seems to be a big risk taker in one area doesn’t mean they will take risks in all areas.”. I can (and have) base jumped off the Eiffel tower in sl and admit to having a wrench in my stomach,  even tho I could not die. We can take risks with our avatars without fear of approbation? I think not. People have been driven from sl because they have been emotionally hurt. s why the lack of inhibitions when the avatar can be censored?

That is not something with which i have a problem, but i can’t help wondering sometimes just how much my perception of the person, gathered from my interaction with them inworld, may be very different from the reality – and, if people really are very different when they’re logged in to the person who goes about their daily life outside sl, then how much is my perception of them coloured by their virtual behaviour?

Comment: This happens to me with women I have met. They have acted and looked in sl like 20 somethings. They have acted in speech like 30 somethings. I have reacted to them as such as I have been a 30 something. We have exchanged rl photographs. My perception of them has changed. The avatar “looks” become a mere cypher. However the behaviour mine and theirs  remains the same. In rl I act like a 30 something with physical limitations.

If we’re talking practicalities, then the answer to those questions is quite possibly, ‘it doesn’t matter’ – if i’m only ever going to spend time with you inworld, does it really make any odds whether the avatar bears any resemblance, in any way, to the person behind it? Probably not – ignorance, as they say, is bliss and in many ways it’s a lot easier to get to know and socialise with someone on a virtual level, that it can be to reconcile two very different, yet the very same, personalities that form the two sides of the sl/rl coin. That’s not to say it can’t be done – many inhabitants of sl have no problem with this sort of dilemma: within my own circle of sl friends and acquaintances there a quite a few who socialise with each other in both worlds, indeed, i can think of at least three couples i know who met in sl and have successfully, and very happily, developed that relationship into one that spans both worlds.

Comment:  Are there different personalities inhabiting the same rl/ sl complex? Seren would say yes. Quiet, unassuming, shy rl  + outgoing, chirpy, vociferous in sl . We have :
“Dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as multiple personality disorder (MPD),[1] is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person’s behavior, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Is this what we are seeing? Two enduring personalities but without memory impairment and do the two identities cross over  at all?  I am reminded of Superman, mild mannered Clark Kent until he becomes the avatar Superman. His were integrated and Clark would lift his glasses to see through walls.

Long-time adherents of this blog and close friends will know that i am not one of those people. When it comes to the division between real and second lives, i tend to see either/or and that dividing line is, for me at least, a difficult one to cross. You might imagine that there’s a simple explanation for this – but it’s actually quite a complex set of factors that result in the stratification of worlds in my mind, and much of it boils down to the point i made at the head of this post: the person behind the avatar, through design or ‘accident’ is highly likely to differ from their inworld persona in, often very fundamental, ways. Anyone who has ever corresponded with me outside of sl will attest to the fact that this is entirely true when it comes to myself.

Inworld, i am gregarious, fun, sociable and utterly bonkers – sometimes i have to consciously make an effort to shut myself up and let somebody else get a word in edgeways, and yes – i am one of those who would say that this is more representative of the ‘real me’ than you would ever see in the real world. Take me even a small step distant from sl and my personal changes dramatically – there are few people indeed, even close friends from sl with whom i’ve made connections outside the virtual environment, who will ever have received a chatty, amusing or sociable e-mail, or for that matter any correspondence that is more than a couple of lines of bare facts and information. Gone is the gregarious, risk-taking, typo-monster – instead you’ll find a person for whom normal conversation and social interaction is insanely difficult. (So if you ever do get an e-mail from me along the lines of “Hi, here’s that thing i promised to send you. Bye!”, it’s not that i’m being rude, i simply clammed up beyond any hope of recovery after the “Hi”!)

Sad, isn’t it?

Yes it is sad. I would love to take you down the pub and a circle would develop around you. You would be the life and soul of the party as you are in sl. i am reminded of the movie :Nim’s Island where a writer of a popular adventure story is an agoraphobic recluse. Living her life vicariously through her books. When faced with a reality dilemma she rises to the occasion magnificently. She becomes her avatar. What are you frightened of Seren? What have you got to lose?

Sometimes i do have a crazy moment and think it would be amazing to meet up with someone from sl in the real world, maybe go for a drink or play tennis, or whatever it is that normal people do… but then sanity asserts itself and i safely rationalise myself out of trouble.

The way i see it, sl is sl – rl is rl and, until i can be convinced otherwise, never the twain shall meet. You see, i really enjoy the illusion that sl weaves – the happy, crazy, clever, chatty people that i surround myself with and count myself to be fortunate to know – but the point is that it is only their sl persona that i really know, and it that illusion was to be tarnished or shattered, things could never be the same again. What if that incredibly talented, funny guy that i know so well in sl turned out to be an insufferable bore, with bad breath and an irritating manner in rl? What if that daft girl, with the ridiculously tall avatar and the terribly inappropriate topics of conversation inworld turned out to be ridiculously short, terribly staid and awfully sensible when away from her laptop? Just as bad… what if i turned out to be a massive disappointment to you?

Comment. Why the dichotomy? When I see you in sl I see the blogger Seren I do not see an avatar. I find you intimidating both blog and avatar wise. Its why I haven’t spoken to you these past two weeks. And dear lady I reached this space through your sl profile. physical characteristics play little part to the discerning mind. as do physical avatar characteristics. Avatar character however DOES play a part. All of us do not belong in a psychoanalytical box. Humans / avatars are part of the same being labelled ME. I am including this in my briefing on cyberculture.

How could we retain the rosy-hued picture we’d built up of each other, if we knew the reality would make us feel nauseous if we had to spend more than ten minutes in each other’s company? Bitter experience has taught us that, in so many things, the reality is never as palatable as the imagined reality… so, to avoid disappointment, maybe i’ll just stick to my imaginary friends. Will you be my imaginary friend too?

s. x

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. 
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly. 
I’m crying.

I’ll be your friend. Fancy a pint?

Philip / Dude

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Seren Says

  1. i found this both intriguing, insightful and fascinating – it’s the first time anyone, (to my knowledge, anyway), has dissected one of my posts publicly, and it’s rather an odd feeling! People are indeed complex, and it’s always interesting to view my own words from the perspective of another – as many bloggers find to their cost, the way in which any post is interpreted can diverge wildly from the original intent. Throw in cultural and language filters and the message received can often be very different from that intended by the writer!

    Indeed, a person’s perception of sl is inevitably coloured by their own experiences and – for want of a better expression – ‘state of mind’. i don’t disagree with what you say about lack of inhibition; it’s a very individualistic thing and, just as there are those in sl who would find it difficult to relate to my own experience, there are those who would be equally baffled by your own! My own impression has been informed by both the way i experience the ‘sl/rl interface’ and what others have shared with me about their own experience. What you say is, of course, perfectly valid – it’s good to know that not everybody experiences sl in the same fashion – that would be terribly boring!

    The Clark Kent analogy is interesting – there are those, i’m sure, who feel empowered when they shed the shackles of the real world and take on their sl persona. i’m not sure that i’d go so far as to term it ‘multiple personality disorder’ – certainly, it could be said that multiple personalities are apparent, but this might well be considered a positive adaptive trait: an ability to adjust our response to suit the circumstances, rather than a disorder. In any event, is cultivating multiple personalities to suit our situation and environment, such a departure from our real lives? Most of us are very different when we’re at work, than when we’re at home with family, or at a church meeting, or football match – our personalities shift as a consequence of our circumstances… sl isn’t so much different.

    As for the ‘sad’ description – to some, yes it would seem that way, although i’m completely comfortable with my inadequacies, to the point where i rarely find them to be a disadvantage – i simply accept that ‘this is how i am’, and get on with life.

    i find it intriguing that you see Seren the blogger – this is exactly what i see too. If anything, it goes beyond that for me: i find it incredibly hard to write at all as the ‘real me’. Seren is the writer, bizarre though that might sound! Am i really intimidating? That surprised me most of all – certainly some might find my outspokenness and the fairly ‘loud’ way i act in public to be a little offputting – i accept that – but it is, very much, an act… you’ll know from IM’ing me that on a one-to-one basis, i’m awkward, unforthcoming and can appear distant – to coin a phrase, it’s not you, it’s me! i can hid in a crowd, or behind an outgoing persona, but whittle down the hiding places and i become very shy and retiring.

    Yes, i’d join you in the pub, (mine’s half a cider, please), but i’d struggle if you knew who i was, if you had no idea i was Seren, i’d be fine… but somehow, i just can’t mix my worlds.

    Thanks for your thoughts – in a strange way, i rather enjoyed the experience!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s