Not sure whether it’s a common phenomenon, or whether it’s just one of the by-products of living in the chav capital of the world, but one of the more bizarre behaviours common to the younger generation around these parts is a total inability to speak normally. We’re not talking about dropping consonants or slurring vowels, mangling the language or even accentuating the accent beyond what is strictly necessary; rather it’s the weird and highly amusing affectations that the yoof of today choose to adopt when expressing themselves.
My absolute favourites are the wannabe rappers – teenagers for whom conversation can only take place if it’s in a monotone, 120 beats per minute, barely taking a breath, gangsta rap cavalcade of nonsense.
“Yo, bro I’m goin’ down to Tesco’s
gonna cruise in the car park for some fresh ho’s
you can come, if you hold my…
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