About Dying

About Dying

 
I love telling of my adventures….

Little death

I’ve come close to death three times. Once when I caught hepatitis from a dirty needle. Second when I was bitten by a rabid dog in India and third when I contracted lung cancer.

Well there was a time when I was eight and on the verge of meningitis. I awoke in the morning and started coughing up blood, lots of it. The doctor was called and I can remember him examining me and then calling my mother over to the window. I can see them now, the doctor talking in hushed tones and shaking his head. Oh dear I’m going to die I thought to myself. They came over to me my mother was ashen. The doctor looked at me and noticed blood on my pillow and asked about it. Oh I had a heavy nosebleed in the night. Sigh of relief was palpable. It turned out I had had a massive nose bleed and swallowed all the blood! So I don’t count that as a near death experiece.

The first time I nearly died was when I was 22 I shared a needle (injecting for the last time – ever) with a friend and eight of us caught hepatitis and had to be hospitalised. I was not going to Neasden Isolation Hospital in London so I dragged myself to my friend’s house In Clydach Vale, Tony Pandy, Rhondda Valley, South Wales. I was very ill. I was slowly dying. I don’t know how I did it but I made it to a local GP and he sent me home with some pills. They didn’t work and I wasn’t getting better. I went back and he saw the true state of me. He admitted me that day to a wonderful hospital high up in the valleys. I was there for three weeks and was treated like a king. I recovered.

The second time was when I was bitten by a rabid dog. About twenty of us were attending a meditation course in Dalhousie, Himachal Pradesh, India. It was quite isolated. It was 1976 i think. It was an old colonial hill station and we had rented a lovely house on a hill top. We had a pet dog that started acting strangely and had already bitten six of us, breaking skin. When I saw he had chewed his metal bowl to pieces, well something was seriously wrong. I was in charge of him. Two idiots decided the poor chained up dog needed a walk OMG anyway when I heard I ran to them and the dog was going mad on his chain. I rescued them and in doing so I was bitten.

Six of us were bitten and if he was truly rabid we needed to know. So took him to a local doctor who said yes he was rabid and had to be put down, our cherished pet. So we didn’t accept it, the doctor was a bit daft, so we needed a second opinion. The only hospital was at a not too far away university hospital. We all piled into a taxi for the three hour journey and tied the dog wrapped in blankets to the roof rack. We headed down the mountain. There was a landslide earlier and the road was blocked so we had to return home. In the two days that followed we read up on rabies. It was fatal and you shook yourself to death. It was one of the worst ways to die. We had no choice we had to find out if the dog was rabid so we set off again and told the taxi driver he had to get us through. The landslide had been partially levelled and we managed to bump across. We made it to the university hospital, the dog died on the way.

At the autopsy they confirmed he was rabid. We went to a restaurant and we discussed what we should do. We were very scared. We talked about the anti-rabies injections 14 daily through the stomach wall. There were known side effects, one of them was permanent blindness. We were into day six of the first bite and the minimum incubation period for rabies was ten days. We decided we would have the injections. We returned home and went to the doctors. Yes he could inject us but he only had serum for a few days. He didn’t have enough. We needed more and the nearest place was Shimla a 12 hour train trip away. Armed with a letter from the doctor (he would phone them too) I and a friend headed off.

The journey was relatively uneventful except we had to keep the small crate of serum cold. In the hot parts of our journey we bought ice to cool it.

We were going to have the injections as a group so no one had started, it was now day 9 of the first bite. From what I remember one was over ten but we didn’t talk about that. The injections were horrible. About an inch of fluid straight into the stomach wall. They left lumps of fluid that lasted days. So every day we all trooped down the mountain, got our shots and trooped back. Not fun and this would last for two weeks. This was 1976 in a remote part of India.

Well we all survived OK except me. On the 12th injection I collapsed and they took me up the mountain on a donkey. They called the doctor and he came up to the house to give me my 13th injection. You had to do the course. That night I nearly died. I developed a fever and my temperature went up to 107 and my friends were coming in to say goodbye to me. I had two angels looking after me Kitty Subho an English Thai monk and a wonderful lady who we thought had recently become enlightened. I remember the delirium well. It was a bit out of body, very spacey and voices shouted from a distance. I was going to die but I had no fear just an acceptance.

In the wee hours of the morning the fever broke and I woke up yellow. I had hepatitis again. Think my liver just couldn’t handle the serum. I was ill for about three weeks but what a beautiful spot to be ill in.

Four years ago during a routine hospital check-up the doctor told me they had found a little spot on my lung. After tests it was found to be cancerous. I researched lung cancer and my prognosis was not good. I prepared to die. It wasn’t so bad, I had led a very full life. I achieved an ethereal state of acceptance and said goodbye to the world. This state stayed with me. It became semi-permanent and was a bit difficult to get out of.

After further tests, going up to St James in Dublin they decided they would operate immediately. The consultant surgeon would contact me the next week. It ended up three months later and all this time the cancer was growing. But I stayed calm and did what had to be done. If the operation was successful I would still not get the all clear they were going to take out my left lung. So be it. I was admitted to St James and had the operation two days later. I can remember the prep room and getting an injection then waking up don’t know when in the post op ward. There was good news they only had to take out a lobe. I have a scar running down most of my back where they went in. My mood, that of acceptance, continued.

My oncologist in Tullamore said the cancer may have spread to my lymph and I needed chemo. So I wasn’t clear. Four months later they decide that that was it. Chemo was not fun. I was in remission. Got another year to go to be out of the woods. After 5 years you are considered cured.

Dying holds no fear for me. The mental state that of having done with the world, persisted for a year afterwards. I found it difficult to “come back” . I’m back now but have grown from my experiences. In this day and age longevity is not uncommon and I might look for another twenty years. Well we will see. Whatever the future holds for me I feel I am prepared for it.

I have a WordPress blog so I am immortal. Below is one of my favourite tunes: Gov’t Mule “ Soulshine. I think I let my soul shine and lived better for it.

Please comment and would love to hear your stories  I am sure you have them. A free Cream Tea voucher for the best comment.

Why not join the millions of others who blog, carve out your own niche on the Internet! You will have seen http:// before it stands for HyperTextTransfer Protocol, which tells the Internet you are going somewhere. So go to http://OlderCitizens.org and create a blog of your own.

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Sigh

Crashed three times in the middle of recording a video, sigh. Updated my eCollege dot me site . Crashed another couple of times. Sigh. Then I looked at the clock and it was two minutes to six, I had forgotten to pick up my meds ( don’t worry I have a stash). Sigh. A nice cup of coffee will help but shit remembered I had bought the cheap stuff to save money which I don’t like, stupid! Sigh. Then sent my daughter out to get cream for the christmas pudding that was on sale. The cream cracked in her rucksack and went everywhere. Sigh. So to cheer myself up I updated my eCollege site.Do have a look. I’ve included the post here for my subscribers to this blog.

Been having a troublesome day so……..

I thought I would cheer myself up with some Art. I am more ignorant of Art than I care to mention but I know what I like. Perhaps the most famous paintings I have seen were in the Uffizi gallery in Florence my favourite city in Europe. Of note there is Botticelli’s Venus on a Half Shell:

Botticelli's Birth of Venus reworked on the website annautopiagiordano.it Florence is so beautiful, the square with the statue of David ie wonderful. To sit in the square in an outdoor café, a little stoned, sipping Campari Sodas. Yes sipping because the point is to be with the ambiance without breaking the bank. to be smartly dressed is a must otherwise you will be given a table inside. You have to look cool. You should look like one of The Beautiful People, aging perhaps but aging gracefully. The fact we were camping on the side of hill 5 miles outside town need not be mentioned. The thing is wherever you go you have to blend in. Myself with my 25 year old slim, leggy Japanese wife (well she won’t read this but one of the reasons I married her not because her dad was a millionaire, nor that she had an IQ off the scale but because John Lennon had a Japanese wife; the coolest man ever. ) blended.

Oh dear aren’t I awful. Ooops. Back to Art. You do realise that all Art is generally available on the ‘net? So there is no excuse. Of course, if you must and the fact you are technophiles, you can make it a technology. So I love Kandinsky and below is a slider of his work.

 

[hislider id=”1″]

Unfortunately HiSlider only works on a self hosted WordPress site. So here is a promo video of the site. I have just learned to use annotations. What do you think?

 

I love the colours and the integrity. Above should be for reference only – i just love moving pictures.

Nota Bene

I know how to be buy a computer. Probably I got used to people ignoring the box that did all the work but calling the monitor the computer, anyway I bought my first proper computer in 1994. It cost a fortune because i spent half the total price on a 17 inch monitor. You see you spend all your time in front of your monitor, the fastest and biggest computer need not be viewed through a 15 inch monitor. I have a 22 inch wide screen monitor and I run at resolution of 1920 x 1080. Makes sense to me. I live in front of my computer as my environment is not conducive to perambulations. You might find my graphics a tad large but to me they are normal. For example my signature is 36pt.

 

philipBut to me its ok. A signature should be a tad flamboyant. I have said in Essential Free Graphics how important it is to have a good graphics program without spending months or years on Adobe Photoshop. All my stuff comes from Expression Design from Microsoft. The studio was selling a good few hundred euro but I don’t know why they stopped selling it but now its free. It does the job.

I created :

pennypedestalsign

I did it all except for photoshopping the background of Penny the cat. you can get the rest of the story Not Another Kitten dot com. ” Tails from The Kitten Shop” a damn good read.

Thanks

philipsm

See? (I can do small!!!!)

Thats the end of a very trying day!! Thanks for your time!

Gems

I come across gems in second life. I think it is the blues community, nice thinking.My fav blogger is Serendipity Haven (serenhaven.wordpress.com)who writes little stories that are so informative and entertaining. Highly recommended. AND not just for second life users either. I have blogged about her before. Read her latest offering, its very informative.

camera2_001

Take my partner, she has an awesome job that keeps her very busy but she spends much of her spare time with me. In her “spare” time she is a poet and has her own site. JessikaJenvieve.com fabulous poetry. Heres one she wrote for me:

It is Best

You wanted a love song
I don’t have the words
Cordelia – like, I have nothing to say
but it is inside,
deep
somewhere
I just can’t put my finger on.

You want forever and I want you to tell me
the pain in my head won’t kill me.
I want you to make my tea and a cheese sandwich.
I don’t want words, I want silence.
There’s a tangle of lyrics out there
waiting for me to catch my foot in them.
Pick the wrong one and you will fire up again.

Say nothing, it is safe.
It is best.

For PFB

“I’m a mature socialite cougar 60 k living in millionaires paradise” she says on skype……Love her sense of humour. We get on so well and are partners in second life, the online community. We spend a lot of time chatting to a background of the blues. Here you can see us dancing. At the top right are private messages bottom left are local messages.

While hosting (a host manages the dj session greeting people and providing help like joining the group) I met a person who was fun to chat to, who I hadn’t met before. She too has a blog and this is what I found:

We seem to think that big events and weighty, important conversations make the bulk of a relationship. Yet .. it’s chatting of little nothings .. how spring air moves and caresses across the face .. picking dandelions and sending them off to seed other places .. or sharing two blades of grass with a friend and trying to make a blade-of-grass kazoo together.

Lobbing nonesense words and silly verses between us .. twirling and feinting at nothing .. nothing moments are what I miss.

If you are the very best of friends with me, I will fill you with letters of little nothings.

Her site which she hasn’t updated in a while is http://vixenquandry.wordpress.com/

One of the things people love to do is take photos in second life it is very photogenic. So here is a gallery a person I met in a European blues club. Name of Schlock who has a wonderful talking parrot called Clyde with, i would say, artificial intelligence!!!!

Heres the gallery, sorry missed Clyde but i sent Schlock an email coz he should have a blog!!

Then another person with a site http://www.deadmonkeysociety.org/writtenword/index.html the front page looks like this:

deadmonkeys

All this is just a taste of the variety of people that you meet in second life. It is a community of intelligent diverse people. Possibly it is the blues community as this is all i have experience of. I am still exploring and have lots to learn. I will have been in second life for a year. Yes I am addicted.

Its not a problem

hotstuffHere is a picture of my Storm Constantine  (aka Jessika) we have known each other for six months and we decided to partner. This means we have made a commitment to share and cherish each other. It may be likened to a marriage, the “ceremony” was an email and now we appear in each others profile. partner
There is a wonderful thing that happens in second life. You become one with your avatar and truly your avatar becomes an extension of yourself. when you join with another avatar like in a dance something magical happens. You begin to feel with your avatar. Holding your partner becomes as though you are holding a real person and in some ways you are. It feels real. You can get incredibly close to someone. It starts in chat. As in anywhere / place chatting to someone brings you close to that person. We have chat in secondlife. However how do you explain a kiss producing a physical response in real life? Second Life is awesome. I can only suggest you try it for yourself. If you need a decent avatar let Avatar Creations know and we will make you beautiful.

Are you naked or are you wearing mesh?

buddhamedi

It came as a shock to me when I discovered what I was seeing on screen was not what others were seeing. I just don’t mean mesh. Not everyone is running at 1920 x 1080 most are on a laptop it seems. Then in the viewer you have settings from low through mid and high up to ultra with shadows. On top of this we have draw distance which will determine the background. In my circle these days nearly all can see mesh but this was not the case three months ago. It struck me that one of the reasons I made videos (311 on YouTube)  was because I wanted everyone to see what I was seeing in Glorious Wide Screen Technicolor® . Before we look at individual implications let us note something. Soul Mods. Given the vast area of accoutrements and textures available in second life one would be hard pressed to find lino. When I first visited Soul Mods and saw wine bottles on the dance floor I thought they were temporary. I also noticed less than half the available space was being used. It was cramped. BUT mes amies in the real world is not your favourite club a bit down at heels? a bit cramped BUT where you feel at home? If Soul Mods had a makeover that burn in the bar stool that you have picked at when you are feeling a bit down would be gone. BUT its not just familiarity it is Atmosphere. Buy that in Market Place. Capture that on video. Well maybe.

So : What is onscreen is not real, it is highly dependent on your equipment. Environment whether pleasing or not is mitigated by an intangible atmosphere. How then do I find you “pleasing” or them “agreeable”. So far I have been approached by women with the favourite pick up line “I love your profile” or “What an interesting profile” and I admit to doing it myself. However there have been numerous instances where after an hour or even several I have remarked “I must look at your profile”. The killer ap is Social Interaction. It has to be.

“yes darling, undo the hooks at the back. Now feel my soft silk panties around my suspender belt…….” so says the 50 something fat blowsy housewife, in curlers, dressed in housecoat and slippers, fag hanging out of her mouth, frying chips,  giving phone sex.

Reality is what I imagine it to be. On a physical level “Look at that Jade necklace” I am colour blind with shades of green.  If I am in a bad mood a smile is seen as a grimace, a good mood the child that drops ice cream on my trousers “a scallywag” . In second life as in real life we have two personae. One public one private. Then we have Seren my nemesis bete noir and mentor. her public face in second life does not equate with her public face in real life. So I’m fucked. Or am I? Put Madame Haven down in somewhere like a real Soul Mods with her mates and she would act EXACTLY the same.

Behaviour is dependent on the environment which is ultimately dependent on social interaction. AND how I perceive it. I think the perception thingy goes a bit further in second life. You may be a half naked blob but above your head it says “Dude”.

Call me, lets have phone sex (cough cough)

Passivity

Second Life Hosting and

2ndlife.biz refers

Graphic Designers and professional web designers are princesses and princes and are paid accordingly. Always wanted to be one but between you and me and this blog (just between us ok?) I’m not good enough. Sure I know html (hypertext markup language) even a bit of html 5 . I can recognise segments of code and nick them if they are not copyrighted. But friends why bother? There are a million free WordPress themes. AND web site templates. All free. AND if you find a really really good one buy it. I did for 2ndLife.biz. Its gorgeous and omg costs me 8 euros a month! Shock! Horror! 2 euros a week that’s, hang on, oh shit about 21 cents a day. Damn and me living on disability. The cat will have to go, she costs me 80 cents a day. Could have 4 web sites ….I’M JOKING>

I just do not understand why people are not internet freaks like me.

In this one-hour documentary produced by the BBC in 1990, Douglas falls asleep in front of a television and dreams about future time when he may be allowed to play a more active role in the information he chooses to digest. A software agent, Tom (played by Tom Baker), guides Douglas around a multimedia information landscape, examining (then) cuttting-edge research by the SF Multimedia Lab and NASA Ames research center, and encountering hypermedia visionaries such as Vannevar Bush and Ted Nelson. Looking back now, it’s interesting to see how much he got right and how much he didn’t: these days, no one’s heard of the SF Multimedia Lab, and his super-high-tech portrayal of VR in 2005 could be outdone by a modern PC with a 3D card. However, these are just minor niggles when you consider how much more popular the technologies in question have become than anyone could have predicted – for while Douglas was creating Hyperland, a student at CERN in Switzerland was working on a little hypertext project he called the World Wide Web…

LANGUAGE: English
PUBLISHER: BBC

The point is Douglas was tired of the passivity of watching television; Here is the opening of the movie:

He thought there would be an Avatar to assist him through the internet, cyberspace. We do not have such a thing unless Google bots can be called that. The multi media lab no longer exist and the only micons we have are the ones I created and yes I own micons.org and made hundreds of them . Here’s one i like :

tigerzoomSo we are interactive. um…er… is web surfing different from channel surfing? Of course we have 600 million vids on youtube but is that different from just having 600 tv channels? We have a global community like Facebook AND ANYTIME ANYWHERE I can poke a friend. Second Life has Avatars now we are getting somewhere, well to 30 to 50k people. We have blogs.

How many posts are published on WordPress.com?

WordPress.com users produce about 29.2 million new posts

I spent a good while sussing out my comments plug in. Because :

How many people read blogs on WordPress.com?

Over 395 million people view more than 3.7 billion pages each month.

40.5 million new comments each month.

So here we have great interactivity. Youtube has comments.

What gets to me I guess is that people do not seem to be a part of it all. If I lived in a city I would want a cool address. I would also want a cool mail address (jeez I’ve been saying this sine 1998, still they don’t listen). I have philipjamesbryan@live.com (hate country names) . its my name. I have Philip and Dude @irishsecure.com for twitter i have pj@micons.org . info@2ndlife.biz and now admin@imacoolchick.com for staff i am hiring. If I need an email address i just create one. Takes 30 seconds and they all have web mail. No no no I don’t check each one I have them all forwarded to philip@irishsecure.com which I keep open all the time.

So kids there you have it., I can do no more than offer my services. Domains cost 15 bucks hosting 9 bucks a month getting me as Tech Support and will throw in a web site and blog. AND training if you need it. C’mon guys the internet is here to stay, start living it. Go to Services page

I Love you Stephen G , but I love Google more

A Little Google Animation lead me to this...
Good Luck at the hospital Dude. Keep The Raith…hahahahahahahah Rucking Luvya Dude (my R key has faded so I keep pressing it instead of the F key… oops)

Yeppers got to love UTUBeee!!! but I love Blip more…..Its where I put the good stuff, Technology Is Me Dude, I love the Bunnies, ah I love all my Blip stuff…

[blip.tv http://blip.tv/play/hK87gf_ZKQI%2Em4v%5D